For many of those responsible for securing major gifts for
their organization, it’s one thing to know in theory what should take place when
meeting with a donor. It’s another thing
to overcome their “fear” or “discomfort” that gets in the way of asking. This is true both in-person and virtually.
In my experience there are five primary fears – three that
are openly acknowledged and two that are more under the surface.
Commonly stated fears:
1. Fear of
harming relationships
2. Fear of
receiving reciprocal asks
3. Fear of looking
foolish/don’t know what to say.
Common unstated fears:
4. Fear of
rejection
5. Money as
a taboo topic
Each are worthy of discussion.
Fear 1: Damaging
relationships
For some fundraisers, relationships are like a cup of water
and asking for a donation is like withdrawing water from the cup. In reality, meetings done properly should add
“water” to the relationship, even if they say no.
This is because:
- They will learn your story and you will learn theirs.
- You will have shared with them something you care about, making the relationship more authentic.
- They will most likely respect you for having the courage to make the “ask” (since most people who haven’t done it much fear fundraising).
- They will often feel flattered that you felt they were the type of person who’d make a major gift.
Of course, if meetings are mishandled – heavy handed,
language around guilt used, no effort made to listen to them, etc. – these
benefits might not accrue. If the only
time you ever speak to someone is when you ask, relationships could fray.
The good news: avoiding those downsides is entirely in the control of a well-trained major donor fundraiser.
Fear 2: Reciprocal
Asks
Some of those I train, particularly board members, worry
that if they ask friends for a donation, the friends will turn around and make
a reciprocal request.
This is a relatively small risk. The universe of those who fundraise is vastly smaller than the universe who give, so the odds start out low that those you’re asking have some other organization for which they will be raising funds.
Beyond this small risk, two other factors mitigate against
it. First, you’re not obligated to say
yes if the cause they pitch to you isn’t a priority for you. You do have an obligation to be authentic –
to say no to a request that doesn’t match your values or priorities. I’ve had to do this a few times over the
years and I’ve never felt damage to a relationship because I was able to frame
my “no” in a respectful manner.
Indeed, in a few instances I very much appreciated the
reciprocal ask as they introduced me to organizations doing great work. To that extent, one could just as easily see
reciprocal asks as an opportunity rather than something to fear.
Fear 3: Looking
Foolish
Nobody likes to do something where they feel inadequate and
may appear foolish or incompetent. Having
talked with many board members, I’m convinced this fear is both overblown and
straightforward to address when it comes to donor meetings.
For starters, there are many resources available to boards
(and staff) to develop basic skills for fundraising. When you combine training with some degree of
ongoing support/coaching, pretty much everybody who would otherwise be an
appropriate board member should be able to avoid looking foolish while
fundraising.
Board members should also understand that those asked do not
hold board members to the same standards they would staff. The value of board members as fundraisers is
from sharing passion, not expertise. And
for both board and staff, it’s always acceptable to tell a donor “I’ll get back
to you” if they ask a question you’re not equipped to immediately answer.
In the end, adequate training and support should be able to
get all board members (and staff) to the point they should be able to make an
effective ask while coming across positively.
Fear 4: Rejection
Major donor fundraisers will feel rejection. Prospects will say “no.” As much as half of the time. Indeed, a useful maxim is that if nobody is
saying “no” to you it means you’re not asking enough people for money.
Some techniques that have helped other fundraisers get past
this fear:
- Recalibrate in your mind what is meant by success. Don’t judge yourself by school standards (90% = an A, 80% = a B, etc.). Judge yourself by major donor fundraiser standards (anything better than 50% yes is pretty darn good).
- Recognize that most “no’s” are really “yes” to something else. You may be “selling” “racial justice,” while they’re prioritizing “climate change.” Or they may be prioritizing personal/family needs at this point in their lives. It will be an exceptionally rare circumstance where someone will say “no” to you while saying they’re going to invest in something you actively oppose.
- Recognize that many of those who say “no” are really saying “not now.” They may have already given away all they can during the period in time, but perhaps you’ve set them up for a big gift next year.
- Recognize that other positive outcomes can come from meetings where those solicited say no, such as volunteering, new ideas, more knowledge of other things in your community, and/or leads/referrals to other prospects.
Fear 5: Social
taboos around money
Lastly, some fear of fundraising actually stems from a more
generalized social taboo around money that exists in American society. It’s generally considered rude to ask people
how much they make for a living. Or to
talk too much about money. So asking for
a donation is bringing money into the conversation in a way that makes us
uneasy.
There is no magic formula for overcoming this taboo other
than practice. From talking to a lot of
fundraisers over the years, those who make a series of asks almost always get
past this taboo rather quickly if the asks are done properly.
Getting above the passion versus fear line
I’ve separately blogged about the passion versus fear line.
Imagine two intersecting lines. One horizontal line is “fear of
fundraising.” Another line running from
the lower left to upper right is “passion for the mission.” When fear of fundraising exceeds passion for
the mission, fundraising doesn’t take place.
When passion for the mission exceeds fear of fundraising, it does.
The techniques discussed above are all aimed at lowering the
“fear of fundraising” line. A separate
way of overcoming fear is to raise the “passion for the mission” line. The more excited board members and staff are
about what the organization can and needs to accomplish, the more likely they
are to push through their fear and fundraise.
After all, people do things they’re afraid of all the time – if they
want the outcome badly enough.
So take time with your boards in particular to keep them
jazzed about the mission. If your board
meetings are dry affairs focused just on finances, that can be deadly to
fundraising because a board member who’s bored with your organization is
unlikely to step out of their comfort zone.
Feedback for me
Have you encountered fundraising fears I didn’t mention. If so, I’d love to hear from you.
Or if you have additional techniques you’ve used to address fear, please do share them with everyone.
