October 31, 2025
For the last few years (with one exception), I’ve taken time to compile some of the scariest nonprofit quotes I’ve heard in the last year and sharing these spooky statements with my audience.
Past editions:
Here’s the 2025 edition:
- “A few of our board members feel like we should save the money and have one of them facilitate our strategic planning process.” Then, after prodding: “No, none of them have experience playing that role for a nonprofit.”
- “We’re shutting our doors because our funding model is broken,” after ignoring all sorts of opportunities to properly build an individual donor program or alerting the organization’s hundreds of volunteers that this was a possibility to determine if there was another path forward.
- “I know that’s what the grant says it’s for. But I figure I can still use the funds to hire NAME to do what she’s already doing. It’s in the ballpark of what the grant says.”
- “I know I was supposed to take care of this task months ago and it’s been weighing on me [since others on staff were counting on it]. But I haven’t known where to start.” Said by somebody who didn’t ask for help once over several months since they became stuck.
- “My wife should be allowed to come to a board meeting.,” said by a board member even though the board meetings aren’t open to the public and confidential information is often discussed.
- “We realized we could use some help at our upcoming planning retreat. Are you available to facilitate?” Asked 1 week before the retreat in question.
- “If we don’t rehire for this role [upon the departure of someone highly effective], we’ll just cobble together the work with volunteers.”
- “Our Executive Director has to be spoon fed information for him to make decisions.”
- “The board determined that the Executive Director role could be done in 10 hours per week.”
- “The Executive Director [of a nonprofit co-located with a for-profit entity that the Exec Director owns], gets a consignment fee for every item sold,” [even as the nonprofit is promoting the for-profit entity.